Just what is a kitchen aid mixer anyway?

Last night JR and I went to Costco. We were out of cat litter, and the pans needed changing. As we went in, we found ourselves by the kitchen aid mixers. JR was fascinated yet again, and said that he really wanted to get one. They had the correct color, but the box was somewhat damaged. I argued against it. Yes, I know that he has wanted one for years, but I asked him, what would you actually use this for? Honestly, I have little use for a mixer, and JR does so little cooking that it would be little more than a status symbol on the countertop to me. Eventually, he relented. Part of my more sinister motives is that I always worry that we will run out of money and I constantly feel that fear whenever a large purchase is involved. I guess I should learn that there will never be complete security.

A couple steps later we saw this one guy that I just think is so incredibly dreamy. He’s probably only 5′10″ but he has a great face, with a full beard, salt and pepper hair, and is just pain and simple extremely thick and rugged looking. I found myself secretly wanting to see him every time I turned a corner and would spy when I did.

Yesterday was also really depressing for me. I went to a fair and was hoping to make some contacts for an upcoming vocation. Sadly, it was just the mega-businesses that care about one thing alone: your GPA. After talking with the organizer and telling her my concerns (and her asking whether I had a masters, PhD or MBA) she told me that I should try alternate routes. So it was a huge waste of time.

We also watched the movie Available Men last night. It was a collection of shorts. I was surprised to see Jack Plotnick (who I knew I should have known, and didn’t realize until JR said it that it was Evie from Girls will be Girls) and really enjoyed the story. It was strange to me how it was about Hollywood, and seemed to imply that the system is broken and was a kind of wish fulfillment in the end results. I wonder how often the things I put on my blog or in daily life are more wish fulfillment about myself than reality as it really is (not that I intentionally do this, but maybe I do try and make myself look better (or at times worse) than I really am).

GayProf’s post on Astrology has really got me thinking as well. For me, so much is dependent upon context. I think that meanings are highly dependent upon context of the object, subject, and other factors as well. I find myself occasionally making analogies, and then I think, but I hate analogies. I think I’ve come to realize while I hold to the maxim that “all analogy is suspect” that doesn’t mean that all analogy is useless. In many ways, it is where the analogy breaks down that is most telling about the speaker, and perhaps the subject matter as well.

JR and I started talking about repetition as well. A Christina Aguilera song came on the radio, and as I understand it the song is about her father. JR was opining that it must somehow help people work through things to sing them over and over again. Similarly, I’m wondering if being so repetitious might be a bad thing after all on the blog. The repetitions might show my evolving understanding of subjects (emotionally and intellectually) and help me to process them.

I also had an awkward moment in one of my classes. One student came in with a sleeveless t-shirt and ice wrapped on his shoulder. It came off and he asked me to help him with it. While doing this in front of the professor, I started to wonder about appropriate distance, touching etc. He had really hairy underarms, and I wondered if my apparent comfort with doing this would code me as queer. I didn’t really care, but I was curious nonetheless. Too bad this guy is so repellent to me.

I’m also feeling a bit anxious. I found myself suddenly wondering if I had missed a day in my experiment today. Even while I type this I’m wondering and feeling anxious. I’m just such a slave to the most ridiculous things which makes me think more and more that I just have generalized anxiety disorder because I don’t necessarily have a compulsion about things (usually), but I start to worry about diverse and sundry things without any reason, or sometimes good reason.

I woke up during the middle of the night last night suddenly feeling petrified that I would never find employment. I’m feeling the pressure of my very large amount of student loans hovering above my head like the sword of Damocles (huh, I just looked this up out of curiosity and apparently a more appropriate comparison would be the very tentative nature of those in power and upheaval, I hope you’ll forgive my less than precise usage).

And I have been thinking more and more about the podcasting thing. Perhaps I will do it after all, but I usually take my dear sweet time in doing anything.